3/27/06 Journal Entry

Finally it appears that spring might break. These last two months have been brutal. Nothing but work from morning to night. The grind makes you dead inside. No time to write, meditate, or even digest a thought or stand back and reflect on where you are. That’s how one gets lost.

When I am not doing business work I am working on Imperial Orgy promotion. The radio campaign is receiving a lukewarm response. We have about 50 stations playing the CD, but without much enthusiasm.

It is amazing how conservative college radio has become. College radio used to actively support artists who differed from the norm. Now there is a sound and a formula that you must adhere to. Every day we receive comments such as; “It just wouldn’t fit in.”

Why do mediocre minds always move towards and try to protect conformity? I suppose Nietzche would have a ready answer.

And although the CD contain no swear words, no references to sex, drugs, or violence, and no overt political references, it has been banned by many stations. Although when press goes to these stations to ask them about it they have not only denied banning it, they also denied ever seeing the CD or speaking to us about it. Even a station that was playing the CD denied seeing it or speaking to us about it when the press people spoke to them. They’re just cowards I suppose.

One station would only play it if they could call us “Caeser Pink.” They are too afraid of the FCC to say the name The Imperial Orgy.

Another station said they couldn’t play it because “DJs aren’t intelligent enough to say the word Orgy without giggling and saying something else they shouldn’t.”

It is a strange country we live in: land of the brave, home of the free. But don’t stand out or you’ll be beaten to a pulp.

3/12/06

I am sitting in a yuppie cafe in State College, PA. Some ligth-lazz-weather-channel-muzak plays from the in-ceiling speaker system at a comfortable volume. Everything is a tan and maroon, soothing earth tones, nothing to excite the heart rate of the graying clientele.

The round-headed old fellow directly in front of me is eating a fancy over-priced tuna sandwich. Every time I glance in his direction he manages to have ever-more clumps of tuna clinging to his puffy cheeks. I try not to look, but it's like a car wreck and I can't help glancing back to see how bad it is this time.

A middle aged woman of Mongolian descent and her college aged daughter set up shop at two different tables before finally settling on a third "better table." Each time the daughter takes out and puts back away some electronic devices from her big bag. I'm not quite sure what it's all about.

The mothers with their toddlers point their noses in the air when I catch their glance. The mothers all look stern but easily bullied by the children who have angry faces and command their elders to obey their every whims. I fear that in the name of not crushing their precious little spirits these yuppies are raising a generation of tyrants who in adult life will spread their unhappiness to each other in marriages of misery.

New poetry/lyrics

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with this first verse in my head. I found a notebook and scribbled it in the dark, but the verses kept coming so I finally gave up and sat at the table and wrote them down as I watched the sun rise through my kitchen window. I wasn't planning to write anything, but like an unrecognized pregnancy, it was ready to be born.

The thinkers and the doers are being trampled by the sheep
Who stampede to the slaughter with righteous surety
For the danger's not the butcher, it's he who warns them of their fate
And no one is hated more than he who causes the sleepwalkers to awake

So perhaps I should lay down my pen
Lay down my head
And cry awhile

This curse of vision will make you insane I fear

The pontiff and the president dance slowly in the dark
The whisper sweet promises of death till do us part
Then to the doctor of psychiatry they go to cure their co-dependency
He says for a marriage of convenience there can never be divorce

So turn down your cannons
Lay down your cross
I can no longer tell these things apart

And all lovers must consubstantiate


I stood at my mother's gravesite with a hammer in my hand
I stole sawdust from the sawmill and threw a flame into the wind
I walked a noble savage through the Wal-Mart until he fell upon his knees
I gave shelter to a rich man, the poor child I showed the door

Cause freedom is as freedom does
And let no man be the wiser here

The shackles of the breadline make each man bow his head down low

I walked through the orchard down in Eden but my stomach it was full
I met a woman named Apollonia with her children by her side
I took her to the alter, made her my bride and then my wife
I abandoned her in Portland but I guess it all was for the best

I laid down my hat
I laid down my gun
I don't have the will to run no more

And this gift of gab will make you a monster

Jesus sat down at my table and took a Camel from his smock
He lit it with a burning bush, took a drag and with a smirk he said
Sometimes a soul can be so shrunken that the eye of a needle isn't small
And these days inheriting the Earth doesn't seem such a good offer after all

I poured him a drink
He gave me a wink
We made a toast to the wind, the sky, prostitutes and vagabonds

We're all God's children after all he said


I walked into the hospital and told the nurse to medicate
She looked into my eyes and said my ailment it was plain
But the witchdoctor and the voodoo priest were on the golf course for the day
Then she lifted up her skirt and cradled my head upon her breast
She asked if my insurance would cover this and pay

She showed me the light
She showed me the sea
Show showed me re-runs on her cable TV

Sometime blood is thinner than the air we breathe


Now the sheep are in a frenzy, they smell the prophet in the wind
The run to the farmer for protection, they hide beside the chopping block
But the prophet he is weary, he's been stoned too many times
And when they sheep they get their hackles up to protect conformity
Even the wolf will run for shelter in the forest dark and wild

I'll lay down my heart
I'll lay down in my grave and die awhile

This gift of vision makes you a pariah to the plebians

3/3/06

Lately I have been full of electricity. Every time I touch the DVD player there is a big static shock and it shuts off the player. The same thing is happening with the laptop computer. The cat won�t come near me. Odd but true.

Yesterday evening was spent doing radio promotion. Heather was calling in requests to college stations across the country and I was doing myspace emails. I�m severely understaffed for this project.

So far we�ve got one station the put the CD into medium rotation and one that refused to play it at all.

Since last August I�ve been receiving sporadic emails from an X from many years ago. We were only together for a short time, but it was a very pivotal time in my life. Her�s too I believe. For ten years she would barely speak to me. She contacts me because she has some bone to pick with me each time, and we�ve managed to learn to speak on friendly terms, but there is still a lot of stress in the emails.

On Wednesday night she sent a fat email that, although cloaked in a friendly guise, seemed to make me feel defensive. It�s like a battle of egos when we communicate. I didn�t want to feel that way, or have any kind of unpleasant exchange with her, so I didn�t respond to the email.

Last night I got another large email. I didn�t have time to read it accept for a few lines, but it said that she realized she was disappointed that I didn�t return her email and that she know feels she�s let go of her anger over the past.

After ten years I would hope so, but either way I guess I am glad she feels some resolution. She was a lovely, and unique woman, and I have warm feeligns towards her, but it was so long ago, I see no need to have stress or dramas about the past.

This weekend I plan to meet a guy from India to discuss outsourcing.

3/01/06

The pace of life has been brutal over recent months. Last week we sent out 680 Imperial Orgy CDs to college radio station across the US. Promoting to these stations is a gargantuan task.

We are using myspace extensively in the promo campaign. Due to this I have spent a lot of time looking at people’s profiles from across the U.S, and I must say it’s a little depressing how people present themselves. It amazing how many people connect themselves with violence of some sort. Lots of big guns, the word bitch is everywhere, all the white kids want to pretend they’re ghetto gangstas, check out the book favorites and you see how few people read,…our reality-TV culture is breeding idiocy.

I got some free tixs for a preview of an off Broadway play tonight. I was actually going to see the theatre which The Imperial Orgy is able to use for free, but the play was pretty good. I don’t know what the show was called though. The woman who played “Magda” on Sex & The City was in it.

I had a strange things happen last week when one of my few living relatives, an aunt who is a Christian, read an press article about me then went into the caeserpink.com website, and was very distressed. She sent a very accusatory email. I wouldn’t’ have expected anything else, but it was still unplasant.

When you are an artist, especially one who questions the pillars of church and state, you are putting yourself out there and every day you face attacks, rejection, and hate. Usually I drawl my strength from within and it doesn’t bother me, but you can’t be strong everyday, and sometime it gets to you. When it’s family members, it’s a little harder.

I have also been dealing with a X from long ago who is a little uptight. The character Sasha in my Apology writings are based on her and she is upset with some of my writings.

Last weekend I was supposed to meet a young woman I met in Pennsylvania, but my trip was postponed and I couldn’t meet her. That Friday night she posted a photo of herself that she took in the mirror. She was wearing a lovely peach outfit with a long scarf. He caption read, “I do strange things when I’m alone.”

For some reason I was entranced by the photo. She looked so nice, and the image of her dressed up and alone in her room at 11:30 on Friday night moved me.